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entries
Tuesday, February 26, 2013 @ 10:22 PM

You're definitively one of the lines I have on my hand. The first. The first person who I opened up to, the first person who proved me how strong Love can be, the first person who allow me to be this in love, and the first person who stayed with me through these times. My mind is set, and I'm so afraid after finishing this post, I would have a change of mind. But record, I need to record this down, because memories, words, might be the only thing we will be left with. From nothing, we came so far. Remember the first time we met for a Breakfast, I arrived early, stood there, heart pounded fast, so fast. Then I was you walking towards me, with that smile on your face. Ohman, how can I forget? We went through many events, many scenario, many obstacles, we held each other and we pulled it through. We understand, we compromise, we love and we sacrifice. Maybe us, maybe him, maybe me, or maybe it's just God Will, we seem unlikely to pull through anymore obstacles. Those moments we had, happy, sad, angry, disappointed, funny, jealous, comfortable, stupid or silly, are all meaningful. And I know, I would forget each and every one of it. But even if I do, those moments already create Value in my life. I want to ask God why, or rather ask him why, why make such situation for us? We fought, we might even fought harder than couples out there, but yet, at the end of the day we got to face the fact that, we just can't work things out. We love, we might even have a more wonderful love story, but yet, at the end of the day we got to face the fact that, sometimes, love isn't just the criteria to be together. We tried, we might tried even harder to achieve this than other components of our life, but yet, at the end of the day we got to face the fact that, the story between us has come to an end. There are many times we fought, we argued, we seem like we're about to kill each other, but God, we were sincere about each other. We fought because we care, we argued because we wants to know why, and we seem like we're about to kill each other, but love stopped us. I might have exaggerated our story, turning out tragedy into fairy tales. But God, but Boy, we could have really been some character in the fairy tales. But at the end of the day we got to face the fact that, we can't fix all these pain anymore.

Wednesday, January 09, 2013 @ 9:18 AM

I'm afraid, because everything is coming to an end. Soon we'll have nothing between us, not classmates, not schoolmates, not anymore a friend to go out with, but just the closest stranger. I hope things change, I mean, the best thing for both of us happen, maybe that's even more important than us having each other.

Sunday, November 11, 2012 @ 10:59 AM

We're talking again, I'm starting to feel unclear about his intention, neither mine. Maybe we're just tired to living in such tired situation, holding on our feelings and act like we're not in love. God, I'm afraid, yet I hold on to some hope that we might work things out. I'm ready, like ever ready for his next leaving, however, am I really as ready as I said? How long will these last? When will we part again? Indeed, it's a choice this time.

Saturday, September 08, 2012 @ 9:16 PM

I love, I still do love you. It's going one year, look at how much we have went through. Those good and bad times. From not in love, to in love to recently, out of love. Sometimes, I question God, "Why? Why does things still not work out when I tried so hard?". Well, because we are simply not meant to be I guess.

Saturday, April 07, 2012 @ 3:35 PM

I don't believe in loving forever. Somehow, some point this love is going to transform to a higher level but might not be called love anymore. But if you ask me how long would I stay for him. I would stay till his hair turns white, until he's bald, with big tummy, weak legs, sulky face. Whenever nobody cares to take a second look, I'll still stay with you.

Friday, April 06, 2012 @ 11:16 PM

Since it's a gamble, let me bet bigger. I'm not afraid of the consequences.

Friday, March 02, 2012 @ 12:41 AM

So, only one day have passed. It seems like a year. I miss you.

Monday, January 02, 2012 @ 10:52 AM

How do I describe my life now? Falling back to normal without you, or is it a new start without you?

This time round I know I'm different. I learnt, maybe. I learn that there are certain things, no matter how hard we try, it just doesn't work. Usually I choose to try, do whatever I want, first not to lie to myself and second, at least I'm not just waiting for something to fall from the sky. I choose to stand here and do nothing, not because I don't want it as much, but because it's so important that I know I can never to afford to lose it. I lost many, and I don't want to make him one of my collections.

God, I refused to let you decide my destiny, I fought. I did whatever I could, now I'm all tired. I know the determination in me is still flowing, it's just that I know this is all I can do. I hate to say, I got to leave it to fate. Right till the end of 2011, I still remember my mind saying, "Let time decides, if we're meant to be, let us meet again, and it's hopefully finally at the right time".

I might change, you might change, we might change, feelings might change. But I selfishly hope you would remember me as someone who had true fully want you, need you and love you.

Friday, December 23, 2011 @ 11:09 AM

It's not that I love not enough.

I hope my faith, your effort, can bring us through.

Sunday, December 18, 2011 @ 11:01 AM

Wei Shan, you are ____.

I know what was the answer, I believe. Love.

Friday, November 25, 2011 @ 5:02 PM

Actually I'm quite excited about it. Just 2 more days to my 19th birthday.

And, I really hope, yet, dare not to hope he knows about it.

Monday, October 24, 2011 @ 7:43 PM

I still kind of believe it's a mutual feeling.

For the past one month, it've been so tiring. I feel so drained out, sometimes I feel as if I'm destroying myself slowly. This time, I just feel like backing out, moving on, unlike previous time.

One will never know this feeling. I fall in love with the most complicate guy, I call him unique. I don't mind what he had or did in the past, because I truly like who he is. I accept who he is and therefore I'm never angry when he did not answer my calls, did not reply my text messages, when he made excuses become reasons. We're in two different world, but we enjoy each other's company. We find each other weird, yet, we feel comfortable with each other.

His smile, will be the last thing I want to forget, at least, for now. He made me smile at the smallest thing when I'm alone. We knew each other not long, but I'm sure we've created some memories, or history when we look back in the future.

Those happy moments we spend together, difficult times we went through together, those support we gave each other, we surely, somehow mean something to each other.

I gave the deepest thought about both of us, feeling afraid I would lose another important someone in my life. I chose to lie, to secure what we have.

If my feeling is right, if you really do have feelings for me too, we might be the best example for that two who fall in love yet not meant to be together.

Too many things are between us, so many things, I can't even count. I kept holding back, preventing myself to inject more hope in you. Knowing, one day, we still need to leave each other. Maybe he need someone less serious about relationship, because he know someday, he'll leave that girl for what he love to do in life. He need someone who can accept what he is and not feel down when he gives her less attention. I accept, yet, I'm often affected, because I care way too much.

Edmund, for so many times, I feel like moving forward, going on, leave you, and just maybe find someone who suits me more. I'm happy enough for what we have, you gave me enough, more than what I expected from you. But I'm afraid, afraid of wanting more when at the same time I know that's all you can give me.

I'm pretty much done of trying, if you want me, tell me.

Monday, October 17, 2011 @ 9:19 PM

Maybe I've reached an age whereby god wants to show me, I really need to be more independent and learn to love myself. I've been relying too much, on others. And now when most of them leave, I just feel lost, so lost.

Those you trust, those who've been always there. Feelings just tell me, it can never be the same anymore. They've most likely, left.

And for him, I've been acting so strong, but deep down, I'm really tired. It's not easy people.

Saturday, October 15, 2011 @ 9:21 PM

Where were you when I needed you most?

You simply made me feel you're just curious with what's happening around me, and not truly care. This really make me feel upset, sad, disappointed.

I divert all my trust to you, because you showed me, you are, you will always be there. But why must the situation prove me wrong? I feel so much of insecure I swear. Sometimes I don't even feel scared, because I just feel too tired about it.

Sunday, October 02, 2011 @ 12:09 PM

I'm so afraid I would forgot this feeling, so I decided to blog it.

"You smile, I melt." This sentence totally relate to my situation. Times spend with you, can be the happiest moment on earth. I believe you're on my top 10 best memories list.

When I'm beside you, sometimes, I really feel I'm more special to you compared to other girls. However, I still do feel scared, I still feel insecure. Most likely because both of us are having a new start soon. We're going to meet new people, I can't stay with you like how I did for the past few months anymore. My place gonna get replace, I might not be the one standing there watching you perform anymore, I might not be the one sending you those text before you perform anymore and soon I'm just a passerby to you.

Since the day I decided to follow my heart, I accepted who you are. I know how far we can go. I'm going to get hurt, but I wouldn't mind, because I know I really likes you. You're the one who make me happy, I feel comfortable with you, so comfortable. I smile, I laugh, I talk, I rant, I complain, I concern. I really do like you, you know? You made me ignore the consequences after all.

Because I'm totally in love this time. But I shall just wait and see, because I won't want to destroy this friendship we have. :)

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Hi people! My name is WeiShan.:) 27Nov1992

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