You're definitively one of the lines I have on my hand. The first. The first person who I opened up to, the first person who proved me how strong Love can be, the first person who allow me to be this in love, and the first person who stayed with me through these times. My mind is set, and I'm so afraid after finishing this post, I would have a change of mind. But record, I need to record this down, because memories, words, might be the only thing we will be left with. From nothing, we came so far. Remember the first time we met for a Breakfast, I arrived early, stood there, heart pounded fast, so fast. Then I was you walking towards me, with that smile on your face. Ohman, how can I forget? We went through many events, many scenario, many obstacles, we held each other and we pulled it through. We understand, we compromise, we love and we sacrifice. Maybe us, maybe him, maybe me, or maybe it's just God Will, we seem unlikely to pull through anymore obstacles. Those moments we had, happy, sad, angry, disappointed, funny, jealous, comfortable, stupid or silly, are all meaningful. And I know, I would forget each and every one of it. But even if I do, those moments already create Value in my life. I want to ask God why, or rather ask him why, why make such situation for us? We fought, we might even fought harder than couples out there, but yet, at the end of the day we got to face the fact that, we just can't work things out. We love, we might even have a more wonderful love story, but yet, at the end of the day we got to face the fact that, sometimes, love isn't just the criteria to be together. We tried, we might tried even harder to achieve this than other components of our life, but yet, at the end of the day we got to face the fact that, the story between us has come to an end. There are many times we fought, we argued, we seem like we're about to kill each other, but God, we were sincere about each other. We fought because we care, we argued because we wants to know why, and we seem like we're about to kill each other, but love stopped us. I might have exaggerated our story, turning out tragedy into fairy tales. But God, but Boy, we could have really been some character in the fairy tales. But at the end of the day we got to face the fact that, we can't fix all these pain anymore.

I'm afraid, because everything is coming to an end. Soon we'll have nothing between us, not classmates, not schoolmates, not anymore a friend to go out with, but just the closest stranger. I hope things change, I mean, the best thing for both of us happen, maybe that's even more important than us having each other.

We're talking again, I'm starting to feel unclear about his intention, neither mine. Maybe we're just tired to living in such tired situation, holding on our feelings and act like we're not in love. God, I'm afraid, yet I hold on to some hope that we might work things out. I'm ready, like ever ready for his next leaving, however, am I really as ready as I said? How long will these last? When will we part again? Indeed, it's a choice this time.

I love, I still do love you. It's going one year, look at how much we have went through. Those good and bad times. From not in love, to in love to recently, out of love. Sometimes, I question God, "Why? Why does things still not work out when I tried so hard?". Well, because we are simply not meant to be I guess.

I don't believe in loving forever. Somehow, some point this love is going to transform to a higher level but might not be called love anymore. But if you ask me how long would I stay for him. I would stay till his hair turns white, until he's bald, with big tummy, weak legs, sulky face. Whenever nobody cares to take a second look, I'll still stay with you.

Since it's a gamble, let me bet bigger. I'm not afraid of the consequences.

So, only one day have passed. It seems like a year. I miss you.

How do I describe my life now? Falling back to normal without you, or is it a new start without you?

This time round I know I'm different. I learnt, maybe. I learn that there are certain things, no matter how hard we try, it just doesn't work. Usually I choose to try, do whatever I want, first not to lie to myself and second, at least I'm not just waiting for something to fall from the sky. I choose to stand here and do nothing, not because I don't want it as much, but because it's so important that I know I can never to afford to lose it. I lost many, and I don't want to make him one of my collections.

God, I refused to let you decide my destiny, I fought. I did whatever I could, now I'm all tired. I know the determination in me is still flowing, it's just that I know this is all I can do. I hate to say, I got to leave it to fate. Right till the end of 2011, I still remember my mind saying, "Let time decides, if we're meant to be, let us meet again, and it's hopefully finally at the right time".

I might change, you might change, we might change, feelings might change. But I selfishly hope you would remember me as someone who had true fully want you, need you and love you.

It's not that I love not enough.

I hope my faith, your effort, can bring us through.

Wei Shan, you are ____.

I know what was the answer, I believe. Love.

Actually I'm quite excited about it. Just 2 more days to my 19th birthday.

I still kind of believe it's a mutual feeling.

Maybe I've reached an age whereby god wants to show me, I really need to be more independent and learn to love myself. I've been relying too much, on others. And now when most of them leave, I just feel lost, so lost.

Where were you when I needed you most?

I'm so afraid I would forgot this feeling, so I decided to blog it.