Tuesday, July 27, 2010 @ 9:22 PM
The fact is, I'm not happy. I'm not enjoying my life. I hate to go school, I know I'm like a 6 year old girl now who come saying, "I hate school, can I not go school?". But I can't help. I still don't have that wonderful thing that motivates me to go school. Friends, what I'm studying and the school, none of them allow me to have the motivation going school. How bad can that be? I don't know. I'm not happy because I can't spend quality time with my family, I hate this. I've tried so hard to balance everything but I can't, I just can't. I want back my weekend, those days I used to rest myself, go my grandmother house, or even, happily working. I lost those. I'm not happy because I can't do what I want to do anymore. I'm living for others, not myself anymore. Shouldn't I love myself more? Why must I stop myself from doing things people not like? What about me? I want to do, why can't I? I hate it when my life is corrupted and people keep coming in my life, and I hate myself for allowing them to enter, allowing them to screw it and then leave happily. I don't scold you, I don't blame you and when I say it's okay does not mean I'm not hurt! I'm timid, I don't have those courage letting things happen again and again. I'm enough! Who knows my pain? Your just love to ask and ask me questions, love to betray and betray my trust. I'm tired I'm really tired. I need to rest. I hate to work for money, I hate to stay because I've no choice, I hate to think for others, I hate to accept new things, I hate adapting to new environment, I hate to not spend enough time with my family, friends and even myself. I don't even know what I want! I'm tired, truly tired. I hate hoping and hoping, thinking and thinking, repeating and repeating.PS: The only thing I'm happy with now is, at least I'm finally honest with myself.