Thursday, October 29, 2009 @ 9:48 AM
Having my O's now. I screwed up my English, please please let me pass! Gonna work hard for other subjects. :)
People see it as an improvement between us, I see it at first too but I ended up feeling more unsecured. I know, I can never expect anything more from you even though it looks like you are willing to, but the fact is you're always giving my false hopes that I'm so sick of it. I hate bringing my courage again and again just to get all those bad replies from you. Do you know how hurting it was? Remember that day, what you did was so unbelievable and I can't deny I felt happy about it, at the same time, I'm scared of losing it once again. How I hoped it could last forever, how I hoped this won't stop. Every time I ended it, I felt so pain but I have to because I want to walk further with you. I have to control myself, so that I can still have you as a friend. I've thought a lot this few days, "we don't suit each other.", its a fact. I shouldn't be wasting time on you but my conclusion is, let me be, I can't stop myself.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009 @ 8:08 PM
It have been one year or so and I've still not get out. Remember when all these just started, I was unclear about what's going on. Now, I seems to get a better idea, in fact, I got the whole picture. You once said you read my blog, I hope you're still. I hope there's still some connections between us although I know I'm dreaming. Remember how I attempt to end all these, it was like the most tragic thing in my life. I knew I'll turn back but I thought I should take a break. Now, I'm back again. I've learned control myself better this time after getting so many times of rejects, left out. Nobody encourages me, nobody thinks I'm right. I'm like an idiot who's going to make the same mistake again. I'm going to walk into this familiar place and ended up crying when I come out. I know all these will happen but I can't stop myself from commiting this mistake. I know I can't lie anymore, I know I still care and I always do. I won't expect anything from you anymore but I just wish you had never hate/dislike and you'll never.